Don’t Look Back At The world – The Story Of Amanda
Message about not looking at the world and living in purity as a single Christian female waiting upon the Lord for her husband {Boaz}
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Category: Fiction
Silent Whispers
I hear the
Silent whispers
Opposing
All I am
And all that I do
I am not moved
I am not shaken
Because
The Lord is my
Confidence
And strength
He will lead
Me
To the top of
The golden mountain
All My Life
All my life
I crawled.
Where others stood I sat
Where others flew
I was paralysed.
When others danced and rejoiced,
I hid and cried.
Favour was so far
And mercy was but a mirage,
As I stumbled
And groped in the dark,
Panting and longing for mercy.
One day,
I looked at the face of Jesus
And all I saw was mercy and compassion
And hope shot up in me
“Surely, I have hope,”
I said to myself.
Then I cried out for mercy
And Jesus appeared.
He said to me,
“I am full of love and mercy
Today,
Mercy will be your companion
And follow you all the days of your life,
For the King of glory says,
My mercy will never again depart from you
Because you called my name – Mercy!”
May we always recognise
That Jesus is the mercy of God
And always call on
His Holy name.
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When You See Me Cry
When you see me cry
What goes through
Your mind?
Do you think I am weak
Pathetic and and unattractive?
When you see me cry
What goes through your mind?
Joy, power, glee
Tell me
What goes through your mind?
I know you love to
See me cry
And I have cried for you and
In front of you
Several times
I cried because I am human
I cried because
That was the only way
I could release my hurt, pain
And frustration
At your brutality and abuse
Today
I no longer care
About what goes through
Your mind when I cry
Today
I am taking back my dignity
And respect
I will no longer cry
To give you
Sadistic joy
I will leave your presence
And your life
And believe me
I will never cry for you again,
Never.
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When I Was A Child
When I was a child
I used to believe
In the goodness
Of humanity
And man.
I thought everyone
Was like me
Loving good
And hating evil
With a passion.
Then, along the way
as I grew up
I noticed that man was perverted – even kids
As they ganged up
And bullied the innocent.
I noticed that some kids
Derived pleasure in
Hurting their peers.
I used to believe
In purity
Until I saw wickedness
All around me
And men exploited each other
For ungodly gains
And pleasure.
They tore each other apart
Feeding on one another
Like voracious animals.
Then one hot afternoon
In July, I stared into the
Blazing sun and I said to myself
Surely,
‘Some men are wild animals in
Human skin?’
Then I decided to transform
Into the greatest beast of all
To destroy all my attackers
And erase the wicked.
Then I heard a soft gentle voice
Speak softly into my soul
‘Don’t do it my child,
You were created good
And pure,
And your good heart
Has been a snare to you.
However, you must remain
Pure and good
Leave judgement and revenge to me
Because,
I am the destroyer
Of the wicked.’
Then I resolved firmly within me
To keep believing in goodness
And purity
And never give up
Because there is
A God in Heaven
Who is the judge
Of all mankind.
He is also a rewarder
Of those who diligently seek Him.
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Heaven’s Gate
A gentle pat on my left leg
And I wake up
To behold a mighty Angel
In my room.
He smiled,
And I smiled back.
Immediately I smiled back
I found myself at
Heavens gate
As I walk though the city,
I loose every memory of pain,
Heartbreak and disappointment.
The Lord Himself walks
Towards me,
In a golden garment,
Studded with gemstones,
Shining brighter than the sun.
Resplendent, radiant and overwhelming
In power and beauty,
He kisses my right cheek,
And says,
‘I love you.’
And I think to myself,
‘How wonderful the Lord is,
That He expresses love very easily
Without shyness or childishness.
His comfort in love
And words of love
Made Him more attractive
And alluring
As I gaze at Him – My big Daddy,
With beautiful brown, tear filled eyes.
Then I remember my own husband
Who can never say
‘I love you’
But would show me in a million
Ways how much he loves me.
I always wanted to hear
Those precious healing words
But my husband denied me that pleasure
Relief and comfort
Of the mind.
Then I recall that the Holy Spirit
Said to me in the past,
‘A blessed woman is a woman
Who hears I love you everyday.’
He also taught me the importance
Of expressing love
As He constantly says to me,
‘Express your love for me.’
Here I am,
Hand in hand
With my King
Walking on golden streets
Surrounded by His glory
Hearing the one word
I was always denied.
Tears drop down my eyes
As the Lord opens up His
Healing arms
And I rush in
Overwhelmed by a million
Positive emotions and love, joy, peace, consolation and comfort.
I hugged Him never to let go
Muttering ceaselessly into His chest
Intoxicated by His fragrance,
Which smelt like nothing on earth.
‘I love you Lord, I love you Lord,
More than everyone,
And anything
On earth, I will show you my love
By constant obedience and service.
Your will is my will, your pleasure is my pleasure.’
I kept saying this, like a glorious litany rushing
Like golden cascades of love
Out of my quivering lips.
This pleased the Lord greatly.
He holds my face in His hands
Wipes away my tears
Gazing deeply into my adoring tender eyes,
‘I love you my child,
You are a princess,
Don’t ever forget that.’
Then I find myself
Back in my room
Wishing He never let go.
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That One Dance
We were many
Dressed in royal garments
Studded with gemstones
Waiting for the bridegroom
We were all longing
To dance with Him
As we all searched
The great ballroom
In Heaven
For the great Master
Then He appeared
And we all fell at His feet
In adoration and worship
My face was facedown
And my mouth kissed the floor
And it seemed like my nose
Was stuck to the floor
Then I saw the golden sandals
Beside me
And realized He was
Standing beside me
I looked up
And He stretched out
His right hand to me
Smiling gently
With love
His blue eyes sparkled
And twinkled
And rays of light
Emanated from them
Enveloping me
I gave Him
My right hand and
He pulled me up
Into His arms
His gaze fixed firmly
On my face
I looked downwards
With great shyness
Because I felt swallowed up
By His mesmerising deep gaze
I hid my face on
His shoulder
And we danced
As we danced
He bent towards my face
And whispered into my ear,
“Those who wait upon me
And seek my face
Will dance with me
Eat with me
And experience my glory.
They will touch me
Taste me
Feel me
Eat me
And see my face,
As I come upon them.
To dance with me means
Intimate fellowship
And baptism of
My Holy Spirit and fire
It means drinking and tasting
My Spirit
And basking in my glory and fire
Tell my children that
I want to dance with them.”
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Gold In My Belly – Chapter 2
MEMORIES OF RACHEAL
I can remember that day so well
Very long ago
It was summer
And I had fallen asleep
On my garden sofa
In my back garden
The blaring sound
of siren woke me up
And I though to myself,
“Police! Police!”
As I jumped up from my sleep
Startled and dazed
Wondering if something bad
Was happening on my street
Then the sound
Gently receded and retreated
Slowly fading away
And there was sudden calm
The soft evening breeze
Caressed my cheek
And I felt more alive
Than ever
I stretched myself on the sofa
And immediately I put my head on the sofa
I fell into a trance
I looked and all I could see
Was a great sea
Within a hundred yards
From where I was
I saw a crowd of lovely ladies
The crowd was huge, so huge
Over a million
All waking on the sea
And emerging from the sea
With roses, tiara’s and crowns
“We must crown you.” They all echoed
Bowing as they said it.
“No I said, get away from me.”
The female leader of the group
Tall and perfect in beauty
Stepped into my garden and a regal looking man
Of authority accompanied her – he was obviously a prince.
“You are making a great mistake,
We won’t leave you alone
Until you yield.
We want you
Because you are a great asset
Your blood is gold and pure
And a delight to us
Come to us.”
She turned to the prince standing beside her.
“This is Del,
The prince of Nada Kingdom.” The prince was very
Striking and extremely handsome. The robe he had on dazzled with
Gems and unearthly beauty.
I starred at the prince in dismay
Wondering why they were disturbing my evening rest
I shook my head as I carefully examined him.
“Handsome but not my type.”
I muttered under my breath
“What?”
The prince asked, obviously insulted and not pleased
“Oh you heard me? Well, I was talking to myself.”
“You dare to defy me me?”
My laugh was shrill and out of this world.
“Why not? I shrugged as I got up from the sofa, stepped forward
And looked straight into his eyes, not scared or afraid
of his power. I looked into His eyes with scorn.
Shafts of fire were beginning to proceed out of His eyes.
“What a mess, I am not gonna waste my time with you,
“Disappear or fire will swallow you.”
The prince moved closer to me and a golden cloud appeared and encircled me.
Prince Del was breathtaking in beauty
He was powerful
However I despised him
He was nothing compared
The Prince of princes that was around me.
At the sight of the golden cloud,
Prince Del instantly transformed into a beast, screened in terror
and evaporated into the air as thick smelly green mist filled the air.
I opened my eyes and realized I was very hungry. I went into my house and the doorbell
was ringing. There was smoke everywhere and the fire alarm shrilled into my perplexed bones.
The Tumble
Climbing up an annoying hill
On my way
From the grocery store
At plumstead, Greenwich
With heavy loads on both hands
I became angry
Because my husband had lost his job
And the fury rolled in
Bit by bit
Piling up into a heap
On my weary, discouraged mind
My frozen, clammy hands were aching
And I was so tired
And sleepy from exhaustion
A tear slipped down to my yellow scarf
Wrapped around my neck
To protect me from the freezing cold
“Mummy what’s wrong,”
My head swung towards my
Four year old daughter
Lily
“Nothing princess,
Mummy is just tired.”
As I said the word tired
I lost my balance on
The slippery slope
And found myself rolling down the hill
And I heard a piecing cry
“Mummy!”
The heart wrenching cry broke my heart
And it caused me more pain
Than the physical pain
Tearing and searing at me
From various angles
Like a wicked destructive storm
That ravages without mercy
I tried to get up
But I was in pain
As a nurse,
I knew I had injured my ankle
And knee
A while later
As the ambulance drove
Me away
And I watched my princess crying
And sobbing
I realized that
I had been ungrateful
I had so many things to
Be grateful about
But I had ignored them
So many blessings
But I had chosen to be ungrateful
And I counted my loss
And Peter’s loss
My husband Peter is amazing and loving
My job very refreshing
And rewarding
My daughter, a delight
And an Angel
My health was perfect
But I had forgotten
And counted my loss
“Gratitude is a choice Lucy,”
I said to myself
‘Never forget that.”
I was in pain
But somehow
I found the courage
To sing praises to the Lord
And a great peace like never before
Flooded my soul
Even in the midst of trial
And pain.
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Pretty Boy
You stalk me
You freak me out
You are my fear
And dread
Everywhere I go
I see you hidden at the corner
Ruffling your wild hair,
Staring at me
With your pale blue eyes
That always haunt me
And I wonder why
Why pretty boy, why
You have your whole life ahead of you
What happened to you
That made you this way
I see your eyes
I see your pain
And I know that you are lost
Tormented and helpless
When I close my eyes
I only see your haunted eyes
Haunting me, tormenting me
Refusing to let go
Everyday I pray for you
To find peace
However I need my own peace
So badly
And one thing I’m sure of is this
I will definitely
Turn you in
This night
