Don’t Look Back At The world – The Story Of Amanda

Message about not looking at the world and living in purity as a single Christian female waiting upon the Lord for her husband {Boaz}

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All My Life

All my life

I crawled.

Where others stood I sat

Where others flew

I was paralysed.

 

When others danced and rejoiced,

I hid and cried.

Favour was so far

And mercy was but a mirage,

As I stumbled

And groped in the dark,

Panting and longing for mercy.

 

One day,

I looked at the face of Jesus

And all I saw was mercy and compassion

And hope shot up in me

“Surely, I have hope,”

I said to myself.

 

Then I cried out for mercy

And Jesus appeared.

He said to me,

“I am full of love and mercy

Today,

Mercy will be your companion

And follow you all the days of your life,

For the King of glory says,

My mercy will never again depart from you

Because you called my name – Mercy!”

 

May we always recognise

That Jesus is the mercy of God

And always call on

His Holy name.

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When You See Me Cry

When you see me cry

What goes through

Your mind?

Do you think I am weak

Pathetic and and unattractive?

 

 

When you see me cry

What goes through your mind?

Joy, power, glee

Tell me

What goes through your mind?

 

I know you love to

See me cry

And I have cried for you and

In front of you

Several times

 

I cried because I am human

I cried because

That was the only way

I could release my hurt, pain

And frustration

At your brutality and abuse

 

Today

I no longer care

About what goes through

Your mind when I cry

 

Today

I am taking back my dignity

And respect

I will no longer cry

To give you

Sadistic joy

 

I will leave your presence

And your life

And believe me

I will never cry for you again,

Never.

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When I Was A Child

When I was a child

I used to believe

In the goodness

Of humanity

And man.

 

 

I thought everyone

Was like me

Loving good

And hating evil

With a passion.

 

Then, along the way

as I grew up

I noticed that man was perverted – even kids

As they ganged up

And bullied the innocent.

I noticed that some kids

Derived pleasure in

Hurting their peers.

 

I used to believe

In purity

Until I saw wickedness

All around me

And men exploited each other

For ungodly gains

And pleasure.

They tore each other apart

Feeding on one another

Like voracious animals.

Then one hot afternoon

In July, I stared into the

Blazing sun and I said to myself

Surely,

‘Some men are wild animals in

Human skin?’

 

Then I decided to transform

Into the greatest beast of all

To destroy all my attackers

And erase the wicked.

 

Then I heard a soft gentle voice

Speak softly into my soul

‘Don’t do it my child,

You were created good

And pure,

And your good heart

Has been a snare to you.

However, you must remain

Pure and good

Leave judgement and revenge to me

Because,

I am the destroyer

Of the wicked.’

 

Then I resolved firmly within me

To keep believing in goodness

And purity

And never give up

Because there is

A God in Heaven

Who is the judge

Of all mankind.

He is also a rewarder

Of those who diligently seek Him.

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Heaven’s Gate

A gentle pat on my left leg

And I wake up

To behold a mighty Angel

In my room.

He smiled,

And I smiled back.

 

 

Immediately I smiled back

I found myself at

Heavens gate

As I walk though the city,

I loose every memory of pain,

Heartbreak and disappointment.

 

The Lord Himself walks

Towards me,

In a golden garment,

Studded with gemstones,

Shining brighter than the sun.

Resplendent, radiant and overwhelming

In power and beauty,

He kisses my right cheek,

And says,

‘I love you.’

And I think to myself,

‘How wonderful the Lord is,

That He expresses love very easily

Without shyness or childishness.

 

His comfort in love

And words of love

Made Him more attractive

And alluring

As I gaze at Him – My big Daddy,

With beautiful brown, tear filled eyes.

 

Then I remember my own husband

Who can never say

‘I love you’

But would show me in a million

Ways how much he loves me.

I always wanted to hear

Those precious healing words

But my husband denied me that pleasure

Relief and comfort

Of the mind.

 

Then I recall that the Holy Spirit

Said to me in the past,

‘A blessed woman is a woman

Who hears I love you everyday.’

He also taught me the importance

Of expressing love

As He constantly says to me,

‘Express your love for me.’

 

Here I am,

Hand in hand

With my King

Walking on golden streets

Surrounded by His glory

Hearing the one word

I was always denied.

 

Tears drop down my eyes

As the Lord opens up His

Healing arms

And I rush in

Overwhelmed by a million

Positive emotions and love, joy, peace, consolation and comfort.

 

I hugged Him never to let go

Muttering ceaselessly into His chest

Intoxicated by His fragrance,

Which smelt like nothing on earth.

 

‘I love you Lord, I love you Lord,

More than everyone,

And anything

On earth, I will show you my love

By constant obedience and service.

Your will is my will, your pleasure is my pleasure.’

 

I kept saying this, like a glorious litany rushing

Like golden cascades of love

Out of my quivering lips.

This pleased the Lord greatly.

 

He holds my face in His hands

Wipes away my tears

Gazing deeply into my adoring tender eyes,

‘I love you my child,

You are a princess,

Don’t ever forget that.’

 

Then I find myself

Back in my room

Wishing He never let go.

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That One Dance

We were many

Dressed in royal garments

Studded with gemstones

Waiting for the bridegroom

 

We were all longing

To dance with Him

As we all searched

The great ballroom

In Heaven

For the great Master

 

Then He appeared

And we all fell at His feet

In adoration and worship

My face was facedown

And my mouth kissed the floor

And it seemed like my nose

Was stuck to the floor

 

Then I saw the golden sandals

Beside me

And realized He was

Standing beside me

 

I looked up

And He stretched out

His right hand to me

Smiling gently

With love

 

His blue eyes sparkled

And twinkled

And rays of light

Emanated from them

Enveloping me

 

I gave Him

My right hand and

He pulled me up

Into His arms

His gaze fixed firmly

On my face

 

I looked downwards

With great shyness

Because I felt swallowed up

By His mesmerising deep gaze

 

I hid my face on

His shoulder

And we danced

 

As we danced

He bent towards my face

And whispered into my ear,

“Those who wait upon me

And seek my face

Will dance with me

Eat with me

And experience my glory.

They will touch me

Taste me

Feel me

Eat me

And see my face,

As I come upon them.

To dance with me means

Intimate fellowship

And baptism of

My Holy Spirit and fire

It means drinking and tasting

My Spirit

And basking in my glory and fire

Tell my children that

I want to dance with them.”

 

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Gold In My Belly – Chapter 2

MEMORIES OF RACHEAL

I can remember that day so well

Very long ago

It was summer

And I had fallen asleep

On my garden sofa

In my back garden

The blaring sound

of siren woke me up

And I though to myself,

“Police! Police!”

As I jumped up from my sleep

Startled and dazed

Wondering if something bad

Was happening on my street

Then the sound

Gently receded and retreated

Slowly fading away

And there was sudden calm

The soft evening breeze

Caressed my cheek

And I felt more alive

Than ever

I stretched myself on the sofa

And immediately I put my head on the sofa

I fell into a trance

I looked and all I could see

Was a great sea

Within a hundred yards

From where I was

I saw a crowd of lovely ladies

The crowd was huge, so huge

Over a million

All waking on the sea

And emerging from the sea

With roses, tiara’s and crowns

“We must crown you.” They all echoed

Bowing as they said it.

“No I said, get away from me.”

The female leader of the group

Tall and perfect in beauty

Stepped into my garden and a regal looking man

Of authority accompanied her – he was obviously a prince.

“You are making a great mistake,

We won’t leave you alone

Until you yield.

We want you

Because you are a great asset

Your blood is gold and pure

And a delight to us

Come to us.”

She turned to the prince standing beside her.

“This is Del,

The prince of Nada Kingdom.” The prince was very

Striking and extremely handsome. The robe he had on dazzled with

Gems and unearthly beauty.

I starred at the prince in dismay

Wondering why they were disturbing my evening rest

I shook my head as I carefully examined him.

“Handsome but not my type.”

I muttered under my breath

“What?”

The prince asked, obviously insulted and not pleased

“Oh you heard me? Well, I was talking to myself.”

“You dare to defy me me?”

My laugh was shrill and out of this world.

“Why not? I shrugged as I got up from the sofa, stepped forward

And looked straight into his eyes, not scared or afraid

of his power. I looked into His eyes with scorn.

Shafts of fire were beginning to proceed out of His eyes.

“What a mess, I am not gonna waste my time with you,

“Disappear or fire will swallow you.”

The prince moved closer to me and a golden cloud appeared and encircled me.

Prince Del was breathtaking in beauty

He was powerful

However I despised him

He was nothing compared

The Prince of princes that was around me.

At the sight of the golden cloud,

Prince Del instantly transformed into a beast, screened in terror

and evaporated into the air as thick smelly green mist filled the air.

I opened my eyes and realized I was very hungry. I went into my house and the doorbell

was ringing. There was smoke everywhere and the fire alarm shrilled into my perplexed bones.

The Tumble

Climbing up an annoying hill

On my way

From the grocery store

At plumstead, Greenwich

With heavy loads on both hands

I became angry

Because my husband had lost his job

And the fury rolled in

Bit by bit

Piling up into a heap

On my weary, discouraged mind

My frozen, clammy hands were aching

And I was so tired

And sleepy from exhaustion

A tear slipped down to my yellow scarf

Wrapped around my neck

To protect me from the freezing cold

“Mummy what’s wrong,”

My head swung towards my

Four year old daughter

Lily

“Nothing princess,

Mummy is just tired.”

As I said the word tired

I lost my balance on

The slippery slope

And found myself rolling down the hill

And I heard a piecing cry

“Mummy!”

The heart wrenching cry broke my heart

And it caused me more pain

Than the physical pain

Tearing and searing at me

From various angles

Like a wicked destructive storm

That ravages without mercy

I tried to get up

But I was in pain

As a nurse,

I knew I had injured my ankle

And knee

A while later

As the ambulance drove

Me away

And I watched my princess crying

And sobbing

I realized that

I had been ungrateful

I had so many things to

Be grateful about

But I had ignored them

So many blessings

But I had chosen to be ungrateful

And I counted my loss

And Peter’s loss

My husband Peter is amazing and loving

My job very refreshing

And rewarding

My daughter, a delight

And an Angel

My health was perfect

But I had forgotten

And counted my loss

“Gratitude is a choice Lucy,”

I said to myself

‘Never forget that.”

I was in pain

But somehow

I found the courage

To sing praises to the Lord

And a great peace like never before

Flooded my soul

Even in the midst of trial

And pain.

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Pretty Boy

You stalk me

You freak me out

You are my fear

And dread

Everywhere I go

I see you hidden at the corner

Ruffling your wild hair,

Staring at me

With your pale blue eyes

That always haunt me

And I wonder why

Why pretty boy, why

You have your whole life ahead of you

What happened to you

That made you this way

I see your eyes

I see your pain

And I know that you are lost

Tormented and helpless

When I close my eyes

I only see your haunted eyes

Haunting me, tormenting me

Refusing to let go

Everyday I pray for you

To find peace

However I need my own peace

So badly

And one thing I’m sure of is this

I will definitely

Turn you in

This night

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