Don’t build toxic relationships. A relationship that you cannot express yourself in, is a toxic relationship.
A healthy relationship will allow you to express your hurts, disappointments, and expectations. If you are upset, the other person allows you to express yourself without counterattack or shutting off with anger, verbal assaults or silence. You should also allow the other person to express his or her hurts without negative reactions. You cannot dictate to someone how to feel especially if the person is hurt and something triggered it.
A healthy relationship will allow you to talk through problems and work things out. Any relationship that does not allow you to talk through problems and creatively resolve conflicts is a toxic relationship.
A relationship where the offender refuses dialogue, and conditions for peace to be negotiated and met, is a toxic relationship.
Biblical Example and Case Study
Matthew 18: 15
15 “Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. 16 But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that ‘by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.’ 17 And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector.
An aggressor must be willing to change and embrace peace. If not, he has failed the conditions for peace.
Hagar and Sarah
The Angel of the Lord appeared Hagar and commanded her to go and submit to her mistress. Hagar had introduced toxicity into the relationship and there was simply no need for that. Sarah dealt harshly with her and fled fled Sarah’s presence. When she left the relationship died but God intervened, and she changed her ways and conditions for peace was met.
An aggressor must change for peace to reign. There was no way that Sarah was supposed to put up with abuse and die of heart ache just to please Sarah or for peace to reign. It was not a case of Sarah please forgive Hagar, it was a case of Hagar please repent, behave yourself and give peace a chance.
If you are a Hagar, bringing unnecessary toxicity into a good relationship, please stop. Repent and give peace a chance.
We all know that we tend to say rubbish, when we are fuming with anger and full of emotions. Emotions have no logic and must be ruled and disciplined by the mind and will.
When we are angry, it is better for us to be silent and say nothing, because we will most likely say wrong things, and things that we will later live to regret, and maybe never be able to erase from the other persons mind.
Words have broken up marriages and great relationships. There are some words, that some people never forget when you say them to them. They may forgive you, but those words linger and inhabit their souls, and remembering those words torment, torture and cause them pain until the Lord heals their minds. We just need to be careful with words, especially when we are angry.
Words can be very harmful, hurtful and damaging. Once spoken, it is difficult to reverse them or take them back. It is better for us to form a habit of processing our anger.
When you are angry, take time to process and work through your anger, and get your points streamlined and organized. Then, later talk calmly to the person who is the source of the anger, and articulately communicate and resolve the conflict. However, never ignore the conflict.
The human mind is a little bit funny or maybe very funny or maybe weird. I do not understand why we humans, cling to people who do not love us and who do not even want us to be part of their lives all in the name of love. That is not love, but inability to let go, or sometimes obsession.
If someone does not want you, let go and let God rule in your life. God will certainly add all other things to your life as you seek Him and seek His kingdom first.
Learn to be happy – single or married. Learn to thank God in all circumstances even as you wait upon Him and seek His face, for your hearts desire. Be emotionally brave.
Some people are not ready or willing to love. All they want is comfort and convenience. They come to exploit, use and abuse. Do not let people take advantage of you. Your heart is precious so you must guard it jealously. Do not give it away cheaply. Do not give it to those will never and can never love you.
Guard your heart with all diligence, for from it flow springs of life. Proverbs 4:23
For the words you will speak will not be yours; they will come from the Spirit of your Father speaking through you. Mathew 10:20
And when you are arrested and taken to court, do not worry ahead of time about what you are going to say; when the time comes, say whatever is then given to you. For the words you speak will not be yours; they will come from the Holy Spirit. Mark 13:11
The Holy Spirit gives us the right words. Words are very important in life and spoken words can make you or break you. The right words can help you in difficult situations and the right words can lead to your promotion. The right words can also draw people to the gospel by the power of the Holy Spirit. The right words also enable us to acquire, sustain and maintain healthy relationships.
It is the Holy Spirit, in His infinite wisdom that gives us the right words at the critical time we need them the most. In this Scripture Jesus promised the Apostles that the Holy Spirit would give them the right words in time of trouble.
If we remain in fellowship and communion with the Holy Spirit, He will certainly give us the right words and words of wisdom that will deliver and promote us.