All I Know

All I Know

When you left me for Cynthia

I said to my self

“I am finished!”

I cried

And I was sad

Then I said to myself,

‘Don’t be silly

Divorce is not the end of the world

You have a lot to thank God for.’

I wanted to forget Ashley

But I could not

Because

Memories are hard to abolish

And the memories

Just kept bubbling up

Into my consciousness

I knew I had to keep busy

And develop another passion

Then I picked up my Laptop

And began to write

I hit the keyboard really hard

And typed like I was expecting an award

Or a much cherished price

As I typed I would sometimes

Remember Ashley,

Wipe away the tears and continue

I never gave up

I was a recluse

For one year

Because I was determined

To be the best

That I could be

I made sure that I put in my best

After one year

The book was published

And it was a bestseller

Subsequently

The book was turned

Into a movie

Ashley saw me on TV

And called me

He wanted me back

And promised never to betray my love

Ever again

However I said no,

“No, Ashley

I don’t want you back

I love writing

I have a new passion.”

And hopefully one day

A new man

I don’t really care

All I know is that I am happy

And I am determined to be happy

And no one can take away my joy

One thing I know is this

I make decisions

Over my own life

And I am the only one

Who can give permission to others

To mess up my life

And I say no to betrayal and sadness

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Little Girls Playing In The Moonlight

Little Girls Playing In The Moonlight

Little girls dancing, clapping and playing in the moonlight

The wriggles and squeakles

Under a huge mango tree

The quiet village is filled with innocent cries of laughter

I gaze up into the sky and my eyes are fixed on a star in wonder of creation

My heart mutters

“How glorious are you, O King of glory

You are pure and desire innocence

Cleanse our hearts and make us as innocent as doves

So that we can find joy in the little things of life

And gush out happy cries of joy

Just like the girls playing in the moonlight.”

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Lover For Life

Lover For Life

Lover for life

So pure so good

You came into my life

And changed me

Lover for life

I love you

Because you love me deeply

You can lay down your life

A million times for me

Lover for life

Your love is so powerful

So strong, so real

So divine

It makes me tremble

Lover for life

You take away my breath

And you give me breath

With your staggering presence

Lover for life

My love for you will never end

Enthrone your love in my heart

And never leave

Because

We are definitely lovers

For life

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Taken

Taken

You were taken

By a vow

And a spirit

That I could not understand

Despite knowing

That we could never

Be together

I loved you

Like my own soul

I inhaled your spirit

Until obsession took over

When I realized the

Danger of obsession

I cut off

And went far away

To another land

Where I would

Never see you

However the scar

Had cut deeply

Into me

And all my dreams

Were about

Me by your graveside

Mourning the loss

Of your presence

The cords of obsession

Fought hard

To resist the resistance

I put up

As I realized that

I did not have the strength

To pull through

Because the more I fought

The more I fell apart

And became physically

Breathless

Because my heart

Refused to obey

My head and logic

I cried out to heaven

And I was saved

By the mercy of God

With one lesson

Etched deeply

On my mind

“Obsession is bad

For the soul,

Reject obsession

At its early stages

Before it sprouts

Horns and tails

And turns into

A destructive

Monster to the soul.”

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My Own Happiness

My Own Happiness

As I climbed the Hill

At Rock-berry drive

I remembered Harry

My ex husband

So happy

So loved up

With His new family

I hissed

As I heard a loud scream

And I realized that

I had fallen

Because I did not see

The white stone

By the pathway

A tear slipped out if my tired eyes

As I struggled

To rise up

From the muddy path

I picked up

A gold colored

Dry leaf

And I made a silent vow

To myself

Never to remember

Happy Harry

And focus on myself

My life, my path and my way

In order to carve out

My own happiness

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Side By Side

Side By Side

We lay together

Side by side

I longed for a hug

But none came

Because,

You my husband

And love

Has fallen in love

With another

She may be a rose

Or a diamond

I don’t know

All I know is the pain

That racks

My soul

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Love Will Break The Ice

Love Will Break The Ice

Love will break the ice

Love will quench the fire

Love will dry the sea

Love will cool the heat

Yes, love

Will do great things

Because love conquers all

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Lost Shadow

Lost Shadow

I followed you blindly

Like a cold, lost shadow

I thought it was loyalty

I thought it was devotion

I thought it was love

I followed you blindly

I lost my senses

And my dignity

In a relentlessly dark journey

Into the land of Obsession

I lived for you

My magnificent obsession

Until I realized

That I was your slave

Because

You had possessed

My spirit and soul

I lived for you

But not anymore

For I am free

Free to dance

Free to love

In a healthy way

Devoid of obsession

I lived for you

But now

I live for God

For myself

And others

In pure agape love

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I Tried To Love You But…

I Tried To Love You But…

 

Everyday

I tried to love you

But I couldn’t

You were to me

The wrong man

That I married

It was an arranged marriage

That made me loose the man

Of my dreams
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You loved me

You were the best

You lived for me

However,

I could never forget

That you were not

My choice

I believed our marriage

Was an accident

That should never have happened

 

 

One morning in September

You woke up

And said

“You know what? I release you.”

And that was final

I was free

But an ache began

To eat me up

As I realized that

I could not live without you

I could not forget the way

You loved me

 

And I became convinced that

No man will ever

Love me

The way you did

However it was too late

Your heart had

Turned away from me

 

 

Here I am

Sad and miserable

Missing the years that

We spent together

And drowning in memories

Of our intertwined past life

That just won’t go away

 

I was such a fool

To let go of

A love so beautiful

But it is simply

Too late

 

I now know that

I loved you

I had to miss you

To realize that

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Gold In My Belly – Chapter 1

Gold In My Belly – Chapter 1

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Absolute Madness 

 

I woke up in the middle of the night to pray for three hours – a habit that I had formed over the years.  I was singing,

“What a mighty God we serve.”

My heart and my soul was in the song, and I was suddenly filled with joy, as an unusual excitement took over me and my heart was pounding.

I felt like I was in heaven, and my eyes were drawn to my bedroom door.

And the Lord appeared in a glorious garment, covered with light. I could not see His face. He then spoke from the light,

“Child, come and see.”

Immediately, we appeared in a kingdom that I will call the kingdom of madness. The gate was made of rusty metal and dry leaves, the padlock was weak and made of wood.

I giggled within me because it was so weird.

“What kind of padlock is this?” I thought.

I immediately remembered that the Lord could hear my thoughts and disciplined my thoughts. He turned his gaze sideways and threw a glance at me.

His hair was gold, His skin was pure white and His eyes were blue as they pierced me to my bone marrow.

I trembled.

His firm grip on my left hand, reassured me that he was not angry. I could not read His thoughts, but my childish giggle evaporated quickly.

In the land of confusion, the citizens were putting on elegant, great regalia, and seemed to be very wealthy, but the activities and mood there, stank of confusion and spiritual madness.

The dusty tree lined streets were dirty and the leaves of the trees were very dry. The grasses were black, brown and red in colour. I also observed that different kinds of animals were living with the inhabitants unlike on earth where animals stick to their enclaves as their natural habitat.

Some distance away was a very wide black river spreading out into three different directions that seemed like three hands.

I looked into the sky and the colour was brown and red, with red and yellow moon even though it was daytime.

The wind blowing was dry, cold and crisp, howling with waves of dust moving fiercely and stubbornly in different directions.

The air quality was very poor and I felt myself gasping for breath. The Lord blew out purple cloud from the breath of His mouth and I was instantly invigorated and enlivened with potent oxygen -The Lord is our breath and life.

It was like a never ending circle of great confusion and I marvelled at the great chaos – it seamed like the disorder would wrap its ugly unwanted tail around my neck and overpower me,

and I whispered, “what is this, Lord?

He replied,

“Child this is the land of confusion, where error rules and darkness intoxicates. As you can see, they seem very wealthy and sophisticated. They are very comfortable and secure in their delusions and false wealth and are not aware of their true spiritual state.

As I stared at the crowd, grey contact lenses fell out of my eyes. My eyes were opened and I could differentiate between the believers and non believers.

The believers had marks of very dim light on their foreheads and  my mouth widened in shock because I never expected to see a believer living in this dark land. However, I could not scream for I thought they could see me and hear me.

I was an alien in their land.

“Daughter,” the Lord continued,

“Confusion is darkness and darkness is confusion. It is a spirit and those who yield to it become captives. Anyone who rejects the word of God loves darkness and anyone who is lukewarm in faith partners with darkness.

A professing christian who loves error, loves darkness and must wriggle his way out of captivity.

They are unaware of their true spiritual state because they are putting on false beauty, false garments, false doctrines and beliefs.

However, they are naked and immediately He said naked, everyone within my vision became naked.

It was like a great Hollywood movie.

The believers tried fruitlessly to shield their nakedness with their arms bending and stooping as they did so. They  scampered and ran into tiny huts to hide. Inside the huts they stumbled on each other in blindness and confusion. They were give black garments by their false leader to cover their nakedness.

The Lord said to me,

“These are the ones who have taken refuge in false churches and embraced false doctrines to hide their shameful nakedness. they have been compensated by physical wealth and success and are satisfied.

His face mirrored His displeasure but the Majesty exuding and radiating from Him was astounding and staggering. I swayed and felt myself falling but His firm hands on my shoulders steadied me.

He looked beautiful beyond comprehension as I struggled to concentrate on His words without getting carried away by His Excellence. I could now see His eyes through the light and it was full of love and mercy. Goosebumps went through me like electricity.

As the Lord was speaking I noticed that the dim light they had on their foreheads had disappeared – it was as if someone switched off the light on their foreheads, and the darkness in those Churches swallowed them up and their spirits slumped.

Some died, some were in coma and some were simply unconscious. Some woke up and shouted within the dark church,

“Lord, help me!”

Immediately I saw Angels of various kinds with astonishing weapons, especially warrior angels fill the church to rescue the pleading victims.

However, giant demons in form of pythons and black dogs resisted the angels and  a voice thundered from heaven,

“Release them!”

The Lord beside me spoke at the same time as the voice from heaven and a sharp golden sword proceeded out of His mouth and fatally wounded the demons.

They lay helpless on the floor whimpering like puppies and totally defeated as the Angels carried away the saved ones to a place of refuge and recovery.

The Lord waved His right hand and a screen appeared and I watched as the saved ones ended up in Churches with sound doctrines who delight in healthy words instead of poison.

The Lord continued,

“These demons are the idols of deception and death worshipped in those churches. If My people humble themselves and pray for light, that is, wisdom and revelation of the word of God, they will be given light, truth, wisdom and revelation.

However, if in their pride they believe that they do not need light and persist in their own understanding, they are building their lives on sand instead of the word of God and will crash.

The Holy Spirit is the Spirit of truth and without Him all that remains is darkness.  The truth is what sets you free.

You need the helper and it is those who call on me that will be rescued and those who call upon the name of the Lord, shall be saved.”

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