Don’t build toxic relationships. A relationship that you cannot express yourself in, is a toxic relationship.
A healthy relationship will allow you to express your hurts, disappointments, and expectations. If you are upset, the other person allows you to express yourself without counterattack or shutting off with anger, verbal assaults or silence. You should also allow the other person to express his or her hurts without negative reactions. You cannot dictate to someone how to feel especially if the person is hurt and something triggered it.
A healthy relationship will allow you to talk through problems and work things out. Any relationship that does not allow you to talk through problems and creatively resolve conflicts is a toxic relationship.
A relationship where the offender refuses dialogue, and conditions for peace to be negotiated and met, is a toxic relationship.
Biblical Example and Case Study
Matthew 18: 15
15 “Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. 16 But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that ‘by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.’ 17 And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector.
An aggressor must be willing to change and embrace peace. If not, he has failed the conditions for peace.
Hagar and Sarah
The Angel of the Lord appeared Hagar and commanded her to go and submit to her mistress. Hagar had introduced toxicity into the relationship and there was simply no need for that. Sarah dealt harshly with her and fled fled Sarah’s presence. When she left the relationship died but God intervened, and she changed her ways and conditions for peace was met.
An aggressor must change for peace to reign. There was no way that Sarah was supposed to put up with abuse and die of heart ache just to please Sarah or for peace to reign. It was not a case of Sarah please forgive Hagar, it was a case of Hagar please repent, behave yourself and give peace a chance.
If you are a Hagar, bringing unnecessary toxicity into a good relationship, please stop. Repent and give peace a chance.
By all this we are encouraged. In addition to our own encouragement, we were especially delighted to see how happy Titus was, because his spirit has been refreshed by all of you. 2 Corinthians 7:13
God has given us power as humans to be able to refresh other human spirits. In this Scripture, Titus’s spirit was refreshed by the good actions of those around him, and those he ministered to.
Let us try to always be positive, and good towards one another, so as to give them joy, encouragement comfort and happiness. We must not deplete others or drain their spirits.
Constant negativity and bad attitude depletes people around you and nobody wants to be around a negative, judgmental, critical person. Attitude matters a lot, so let us constantly develop ourselves to have healthy positive attitude and mindset.
May we live to refresh other people’s spirits instead of dampen, drain and deplete them. That is a critical way to fulfill God’s commandment to love one another.
May great grace be upon us in Jesus name. May grace, mercy and peace be ours, in full measure.
Nobody can complete you. Nobody can make you happy if you are not happy from within. Some people have everything they need – spouse, children, money etc, yet they are very depressed and some even take their own lives.
This is evidence enough that it is not what you have that makes you happy even though what you have can increase your happiness.
Happiness is from within and comes from God. The joy of the Lord is our strength. Someone can be happy and joyful even in the absence of the bare necessities of life.
Paul leant the secret of being content in every circumstance. You can ask for God’s grace.
Stop waiting for someone else to make you happy – learn to be happy. It is a life skill.