I Tried To Love You But…

I Tried To Love You But…

 

Everyday

I tried to love you

But I couldn’t

You were to me

The wrong man

That I married

It was an arranged marriage

That made me loose the man

Of my dreams
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You loved me

You were the best

You lived for me

However,

I could never forget

That you were not

My choice

I believed our marriage

Was an accident

That should never have happened

 

 

One morning in September

You woke up

And said

“You know what? I release you.”

And that was final

I was free

But an ache began

To eat me up

As I realized that

I could not live without you

I could not forget the way

You loved me

 

And I became convinced that

No man will ever

Love me

The way you did

However it was too late

Your heart had

Turned away from me

 

 

Here I am

Sad and miserable

Missing the years that

We spent together

And drowning in memories

Of our intertwined past life

That just won’t go away

 

I was such a fool

To let go of

A love so beautiful

But it is simply

Too late

 

I now know that

I loved you

I had to miss you

To realize that

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Violated 

Violated 


Forcefully

He took me

Forcefully

He violated me

With disrespect

Disregard

And cold, cruel contempt

I cried until

I slumped

On the cold concrete

Close to a church

Wanting to die

My breathing, shallow and weak

I prayed,


“Take me Lord

I don’t want to stay here anymore,

In a cold cruel world.”

Then I heard voices

But they sounded like

Angels singing

Or a church worship session

The singing was angelic

“But surely

These are humans,”

My tired mind wondered

My mind reeling and spinning

I lay there

Bleeding and in pain

“I can’t loose my baby.”

My mind shrieked,

“No I can’t loose my baby,”

I suddenly wanted to live

For the sake of my baby

An unfamiliar groan sifted into my mind

“Who is groaning?”

I thought within me

Then I heard voices

This time closer to me

“She alive,” a female voice yelled

A male voice replied,

“Call 911, she will make it in Jesus name.”

“Yes pastor,” the female voice answered

The pastor held me and rocked me like a new born baby

“Jesus loves you, you will be okay,”

One year later

The pastor married me

And my baby is our baby

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Hello, Stranger In Black

Hello, Stranger In Black


Hello

Stranger in black,

Why are you so sad?

What happened to take away your smile?

You are young

You are pretty

What happened?

Hello

Stranger in black

I saw you at the Bank

And instantly knew

That you were special

Then I saw you on my street

And realized you just moved in

I see you often

In shops

And in Church

Give me a chance to speak to you

And make you smile again

From your heart


Hello

Stranger in black

Your sadness has frozen men away

And made you solitary

You sometimes smile

But in your eyes

Your sorrow shows
Hello

Stranger in black

Your black garment is spiritual

Not physical

You have mourned for too long

Hidden from men

Take off your black garment

And smile once again

Because this man

Speaking wants to

Transform your inner garment

From sorrow to happily married

He wants to make you a special women

If you will let him

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The Last Time I Saw You

The Last Time I Saw You

The last time I saw you

You could not look at me

You were angry

Traumatized and sad

Because I left you

And broke our vow

 

The last time I saw you

You had become an addict

To alcohol

You were tired and discouraged

You hated women

 

The last time I saw you

I wondered if you would ever heal

And I also became sad

Because I hurt you

By leaving

And made you loose

Confidence in love and marriage


But you must remember

That we fought everyday

In front of our children

We were both miserable

And our home became

A battle ground

And a place of mourning

Unhealthy for us

And our children

Everyday I pray

For you

The father of my children

That God will heal your heart

And mine too

Because we both need it

Divorce is painful

Divorce is sad

But sometimes

It just has to happen

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When You Said Goodbye 

When You Said Goodbye 


And that when I started to cry

When you said goodbye

When you took your love

And gave it

To someone else

 

I started to cry

When I remembered the home

We built together,

And our lovely kids

I started to cry

When you ignored your children

And pretended they

Did not exist

 

But I stopped crying

When I remembered

The goodness of God

And his mercy

He became

The father of my children

And I never lacked

He wiped away my tears

And brought David

Who loved me

And grew old with me

And I never remembered

You or your betrayal

Ever again

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I Wrote On The Wall

I Wrote On The Wall


I wrote on the Wall

After months of grief

I made a vow

Within me

Never to cry again

Never to mourn again

Like the souls

In the land

Of grief

Under the earth

I wrote on the wall

You will never haunt me again

After months of grief

I made Jesus

My first love

And shunned the

Love of the world

I wrote on the wall

I am over you

Each day I pass by my

Handwriting on the walll

And smile within me

It is certainly over

I wrote on the wall

Never again

Will my heart be broken

By a mortal

You were handsome

You were clever

You were rich

Every woman’s dream

And you chose me

And loved me

In mindless passion

And obsession

I was enchanted

And enamoured

By the weight

Of you desire

You seemed too unreal

In your beauty

And charm

Love for you took over my soul

And my soul cleaved to your soul

We were one

In love and life

After some time

You took my love

And cast in on a hard stone

You gave my heart

To the birds to eat

You became bored and tired

You cast me aside

And caused me grief

I prayed to God

For healing of the heart

One glorious morning

I clenched my teeth

Walking with firm strides

And uplifted shoulder

With a little smirk

On my weary face

In firm resolve

I marched to the sitting room

And wrote on the wall

A silent mutiny and vow

With myself


I wrote on the wall

Because I know that

Each morning I will smile

In victory

That I am indeed over you

I wrote in the wall

“You are my past

Jesus is my future.”

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Worlds Apart

Worlds Apart


Worlds Apart

A love story

So sweet

So divine

You were to me

Out of bounds

Bound by the rules of society

I was forbidden

To you

Because

I was so wrong for you

The Governor

And the maid

An unlikely couple

In a false world

Of appearances

And glamour


But you secretly

Wooed me and sent me

To the best medical school

To become a surgeon 

Years later

Before you became

The Vice President

You married me

A distinguished surgeon

Fit for society

Your love is pure

Your love is real

I am so blessed

To have a husband like you

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I Gaze Into The Waters

I Gaze Into The Waters


I gaze into the waters

With you by my side

Thinking a million thoughts

About our love


I gaze into the waters

With you on my mind

Wishing you will always hold me

Hoping you will always love me


I gaze into the waters

Consumed by love

With just one prayer on my mind

Be mine forever

Let this love never end

Because I am convinced

That I will never find another love

Like you

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Under The Mango Tree

Under The Mango Tree


We held hands in the moonlight

Under the mango tree

You were twenty

I was eighteen

We vowed to take the vow

In Church

And embrace

For better for worse

You travelled abroad

On scholarship

To become a doctor

I waited patiently

And you came back

After ten years

But with your bride

And two children

And all you said

Was I’m sorry

I hid my new life from you

And made you wait

For me

In vain

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I Hate The Way You Eat

I Hate The Way You Eat

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I hate the way you eat

I hate the way to sneeze

I hate your arrogance

But I love you

Because there are many good qualities

In you

I love the way you are

Because

You are simply human

And not perfect

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